8 days of hell

I just got out of hospital yesterday and things are still a bit fuzzy, so I'm not sure if the events I am about to tell are all correct and in the right order, but I will do my best.

DAY 1

Last Sunday (I think it was the 4th of Jan) it was a nice hot sunny day and the lead singer of Jon's band (Hardcopy) Ken, and his missus came over with their little girl for a BBQ.
We were having a really nice time and the kids were playing outside and enjoying the spa at one stage.
We had lunch then got out the grog and started drinking. I had 2 drinks (Pulse) left over from new years eve, so I had those. They're 7% so around 2 standard drinks per can and I had 2.
Anyway, once I start drinking I usually want more, but of course there wasn't any and I couldn't drive because I felt I was already over the limit.
Jon's friends had a breathalizer so we all took turns and the only person under the limit was Jon, so he went and got more drinks.
I requested 4 more pulses.

So, we were drinking away talking about all sorts of stuff including some things that Ken and his chick have seen at work (they work in a hospital) which were pretty shocking but also funny. One things Ken mentioned was that there is this powder glue stuff used in ICU on patients to attach bags to their butts for when they poo LOL
He said that the powder burns so much that it can wake the dead. He said there was one patient who had been in a coma for weeks and not moved an inch, but when the butt powder was used she suddenly opened her eyes jerked in pain for a second and slipped back to nowhere land LOL
I was cracking up laughing when he was doing the visual actions to the entire scenario. He's such a funny bastard the Diva Kenneth.

So as we were getting drunker, we decided to play with the breathelizer. I was in competition with Shirralea to get the highest reading. She was sitting at .32 and I couldn't get over .29 but was giving it my best.
After I opened my last can of pulse and had one sip, things went weird.
OK, so I had 7 can's so equivalent to 14 standard drinks, which is more than I drink in an entire year LOL
Apparently I feel backwards off my chair and hit my head on the ground and started fitting. I was told it lasted a few minutes and I did recover, and was helped up and taken into the lounge to sleep it off.
I then fitted again but this time it went for 40 minutes and an ambo was called.
They gave me a jab of something and it stopped, but they took me to hospital anyway because I was so out of it.
I can't remember the ambos or the trip to the hospital, but I do remember waking up with a drip in my arm at a pricey private hospital.
The nurses said I was dehydrated which contributed to the seizure (hmmm I just drank 7 cans, yet I'm dehydrated) and to keep my arm still because it was slowing the drip.
I could tell they were agitated with me for the fact that i was drunk and they don't get many drunken people there because it's a posh private hospital dealing more with rich sick kids with tonsilitis or old farts with broken hips.
Anyway, I figured I'd sober up and will be back to normal so phoned Jon to come and get me. Thinking back I wonder how sober Jon was and wonder if it would have been better to call a taxi, but I wasn't thinking straight and being logical isn't a requirement after 14 standard alcoholic beverages and 2 fits LOL
So I got home and went to bed.

Day 2

I woke in the morning with Skye next to me in tears telling me how I had a fit in my sleep and it scared her. She was absolutely terrified the poor baby. She spent the next couple of hours following me around asking me if I was ok and begging me to go to take her medication. Skye has epilepsy so figured her pills would help me too, which is logical and I probably should have taken the advice of my very clever 7 year old than the one of my darling husband who after I had yet ANOTHER fit, told me that I wobbled and it was funny. That there's no way he's going through the drama of me being on hospital, so I was to just "get over it" before he had to go to work the next day.

I had 3 fits all up that day and was so worried about injuring myself but even more concerned with the trauma the kids were going thru seeing their mother fitting.
As it happens, someone was looking over me, because at around 4pm a social worker who I have never met, called me out of the blue.
She works for a local community service and was calling to get some information in regards to the big brother sister program I am trying to get Breeze into.
I told her that I was having fits and was really concerned but Jon didn't want me going to hospital.
She then offeed to come for a visit and try and change his mind.
She came over straight away and convinced him that it was a good idea and started making phone calls to get me into a private hospital with my own doctor.
He was away, so it turned out i had to go to a public hospital emergency department.
Jon took me and my friend from the Liberated learners forum came over to babysit the children.
I arrived at the hospital expecting a huge wait in the waiting room, but after telling the triage nurse what I was there for, I was taken straight to a cubical.
Jon and I were ok and were chatting and even laughing about some personal stuff that we always joke about.
He went to get a drink from a vending machine while a nurse came in and gave me a gown to dress into.
The next thing I knew, I was being pinned down by a heaps of strangers and a needle was being put into my foot. I was crying and trying to kick them off my foot because they were holding it so tight it felt like it was breaking. They told Jon to just reassure me things were going to be ok and that helped. It was nice having him kiss my face and speak to me so caringly. I don't think he ever has before.
The pain in my foot stopped and I was relieved. The next thing I remember was waking with my hand tied to the side rails of the bed with a tube down my throat, but stuff happened before then, which I can only relay from the words of Jon.

Before the needle was put in my foot I had had a seizure. While I was unconscious they inserted a line in my neck and stitched it on. For some reason they wanted another line in too so that's why they did my foot.. but I woke when they were inserting the foot bung, which I guess is better than waking while they were putting a central line in my neck OUCH!!!
Anyway, I had another fit after the foot one was in and they put medication thru it.
Jon told them I have a bad reaction to Clonazepam/Rivetrol (sp?) and said that if they give it to me I'll wake up confused and agitated. That was actually a smart move to tell them, as it prevented an entire scenario happening which happened around a year ago, where I almost ended up in a psych ward because of it.
They were giving me something else instead, but it wasn't stopping the fits properly.
Appparantly they became less violent and shorter but were still worrying to the hospital staff.
Jon went home to rescue my friend from the kids at around 10pm and left me fitting and being medicated with stuff which was making slip more amd more into nowhere land as time went on.

Day 3

At 3am Jon got a phone call from the hospital to tell him I had gone into a coma stopped breathing and that they had to tube me.
I'm not sure if I woke with the tube in or if it was an airway in my nose. I could feel something in my throat burning and choking me like I had swallowed a hose.
My hands were strapped to the side rails and I was desperately trying to get them free so I could remove whatever the thing was in my throat that was causing so much pain and discomfort. The reason why I don't know if it was the ventilator or an airway is because an airway goes in the nose and down the throat and you can speak with it in but the ventilator goes in the mouth and you can't speak at all.
I remember begging them to put me to sleep so i didn't have to feel the pain, seeing as they had strapped my hands so I couldn't remove it myself.
Either I was actually speaking or the nurse read my mind, because she said to me.. we are trying to put you to sleep, we are trying.. and she ran her hand thru my hair.. and seemed to be crying herself.
They put me under a general anesthetic and I stayed under for the next 2 days.

Day 5
I only had 1 dream while I was asleep, that I can remember. One of my favourite cyber friends had a vegie garden planted on a tree top. She was climbing up the tree with her children to harvest the vegies. I was on the ground looking up at them thinking that they were in heaven. That they were where I wanted to be, but shouldn't go because I would never come down.

I woke up with my hands strapped to the side rails again and the same pain in my throat. This time it was a different nurse and she was saying.. it's ok, we are taking the tube out now.. breath out.
The tube came out and I vomited and passed out.

Day 6
I woke up and was told I had been transferred to a different hospital to the one Jon took me to. The transfer happened on day 4, but of course I was unconscious so had no idea. I remember checking my bum for a bag thinking back to Kens story LOL I even had a bit of a giggle to myself wondering if I got the dreaded powder.
Anyway, they told me I could go to the general ward later that day as long as I improve.
I did, and was moved out of ICU.

Day 7

I saw my own private neurologist who diagnosed me with epilepsy nearly a year ago.
It was the first time I had seen him since being there this time.. but he said he saw me on day 4 and was really worried.
He told me the alcohol triggered the seizures again, which for the past 7 months had been dormant without meds. I don't know if falling off the chair and hitting my head caused me to fit, or if a fit made me fall and hit my head.
Nevertheless, I am back on medication. The vomiting I did when the tube was removed has caused an infection in my chest and I have nerve damage in my wrist which is causing pins and needles in my left hand.

The doctor told me I needed to be seizure free for 48 hours and I could go home.
I managed 30 hours, but then had 12 fits.
I was distraught. I was getting depressed and wondering what the hell I was doing differently now that was causing me to fit.

Day 8
My doctor figured if i did the same as a year ago, and just went home and pretended like everything is normal, my body may respond better. The don't know enough about the human brain, but anything is possible.
So he sent me home.
I have had 3 fits since. He said I may still have them off and on for 3 months.
My kids are still being themselves, other than Skye. She's very protective... I guess she understands why I am so protective of her now too LOL
We have made a promise to each other to always take our meds together and never miss a dose.

I don't know what the future holds. I don't know if this will kill me one day. I don't know if I will suddenly become normal again like I did last time.
I have a bad feeling that I have come home to die, but I have so many plans.
So many things to do with and for the kids, I have Uni staring up again in a few weeks.
I really have to get back to normal. There's really no time to waste.